Akatsuki Viva Las Vegas
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Akatsuki is attending the Evil convention in Las Vegas! Akatsuki would NEVER get into any trouble or cause any disturbances on their trip. You know what they say, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas! Rated for Language
1. Chapter 1 The Convention

Akatsuki Viva Las Vegas

I don't own Naruto nor do I make any money writing these things

Zetsu walked into the living room with a high stack of mail. "Lola, Lola, Lola, junk, junk, junk, junk, Marisol, Itachi's prescription rage pills, you've been pre-approved, water bill, phone bill, high speed internet bill, hmmm from the leader…" Zetsu opened up the last piece of mail. He skimmed over it quickly.

"Hey, hey… The Leader sent us this letter. He wants us to attend the Evil Leaders With Evil Plans and Completely Convoluted Schemes in order to Achieve Evil Motives seminar…otherwise known as the ELWEPCCSAEM convention." Zetsu announced.

"Oh yeah? That thing is coming up? When is it?" Kisame wanted to know.

"He says its in two weeks…so…like mid November." Zetsu said.

"Okay, well where is it this yeah…god that sucked ass that year it was held in Toronto…not that Toronto sucked….it was all those hockey fans….god I had no idea the Raptors were the thing up there." Kisame reminisced.

"It's in Las Vegas, Nevada this year." Now this whole time Sasori was sitting calmly in the kitchen with his coffee until he heard the location of the convention. He was now choking on his coffee while getting slight third degree burns down his throat. Once he came to his senses and spit the burning coffee out into the sink he ran into the living room where Zetsu stood with the mail.

"Zetsu, Zetsu did you just say that the ELWEPCCSAEM convention was in……Las…….Vegas….." Zetsu had never seen Sasori's eyes this wide and he was gripping Zetsu's shoulders to the point where Zetsu thought he may be bruised.

"Uh…yeah it's in Vegas." Zetsu said calmly.

"Lola! Lola! LOLAAAAAAA! LOLA GET DOWN HERE!" Lola was upstairs working on her laptop but came rushing out of the bedroom.

"What the hell's wrong?" Lola asked in a slight panic.

"Lola..honey…." Sasori paused for a long time. "This year's convention for…well evil stuff…..is in…..Las Vegas….." Sasori whispered the last part. Lola stared at him with wide brown eyes.

"Las Vegas?" She finally said weak voiced.

"Las Vegas." He answered her.

"Sasori….." Lola paused. "OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL ARE WE WAITING FOR! GOOD GOD THE BANK CLOSES AT 5:00! COME ON! COME ON! COME ON! I'LL CALL WORK AND TELL THEM I WONT' BE THERE ON THE WAY!!!" Lola yelled and then both see and Sasori took off in a mad frantic panic.

"Okay, soooo I'm thinking that judging by that reaction there's something we don't know." Kisame said.

"Such a pretty kitty, yeah! Such a pretty kitty, yeah! Such a pretty kitty, yeah! Such a pretty, pretty, pretty…"

"Oh my god, I swear that cat has ruined our lives!" Kisame said.

"Actually, now that Deidara is sidetracked with that kitten he bothers us less." Zetsu said.

"Okay everyone, look at Princess, yeah! She's a good girl today because she learned how to jump on the bed, yeah!"

"Shit, I spoke too soon." Zetsu mumbled.

"Yeah, okay…that's nice Deidara. Hey, we're going to Las Vegas in two weeks. Tell Marisol." Kisame said.

"Why are we going to Las Vegas. Yeah? Oh my god, do we have to move?! Zetsu who did you eat, yeah!" Deidara started to panic.

"No, no, no. The ELWEPCCSAEM convention is in Las Vegas this year." Zetsu said. Deidara thought very very hard.

"The E….L…F…U…D….G…E….."

"God! Deidara! The Evil Leaders and shit convention!" Kisame said.

"Oh my god! I love that convention! It's always near a fashion district, I mean always! Like that time it was in Toronto, yeah! Oh! Or that other time it was in Chicago, yeah. Oh, I need to tell Marisol we're going to need to find someone that will feed Princess, yeah. Aren't we Princess? Yes we do! Yes, we do!" Deidara took off with the kitten swooped up in his arms.

"Um, by the way….Pein and Konan are going too. But they are flying separately." Zetsu said.

"Are you serious? Do you know how loud Pein gets when he drinks? My god, it's Las Vegas…you know he'll drink." Kisame said.

"FUCK YOU KAKUZU! I HATE YOUR SORRY ASS! Oh hey guys, seriously what's going on?" Hidan said calmly after yelling at Kakuzu.

"We got this letter from the leader today. We're going to the Evil Leaders With Evil Plans and Completely Convoluted Schemes in order to Achieve Evil Motives seminar…otherwise known as the ELWEPCCSAEM convention." Kisame explained.

"Oh yeah, I've heard of that. I've always wanted to go. I've heard there's great free samples of stuff at those things. When do we leave?"

"Two weeks. "

"Okay, that's just enough time to explain to Tobi the proper way to act on a plane." Hidan said.

"Oh and hey, you get to meet Konan and Pein but I should warn you….sometimes Konan can get a little loud." Kisame explained. "She's um…a very outspoken woman so I'm sure if she doesn't like the in flight beverages served we will hear about it."

"Well, there's always room to respect that, seriously. I look forward to meeting them."

"I DID IT! I'M SO EXCITED! I FINISHED THE RATATOUILLE WORD SEARCH!" Tobi yelled from upstairs.

"Oh god, I hope to god Tobi doesn't have to be searched for anything stupid in the airport." Zetsu said. "I can imagine it now…..actually…never mind….I don't want to. Okay, well I'm going to go call Pein and maybe find my suit case. You know….I haven't seen it since we went to Miami Beach." Zetsu said heading upstairs.

"Oh my god! You can't trust people to do anything! DANA! DANA! I'M HIRING A WEDDING PLANNER! A PROFESSIONAL!" Itachi yelled immediately heading to the kitchen cabinets to dig for the phone book. "All I did was say 'hey Deidara when you go to the post office today stop by the travel agency and pick up some information on cruises…well hell that fucker didn't do that…..he went to fucking PetsMart instead! Damn cat…ah here it is." Itachi mumbled to no one. "Hi my name is Uchiha Itachi…..yeah I'm going to need someone to help plan a wedding…but not just you know any wedding….I'm hot and so is my fiancée. So you know, there can't be anything for average looking people. Okay…well do you offer any kind of discounts for being gorgeous…because I mean I am so serious we are….oh you don't? Well, that's just too bad. Okay well when can we make an appointment to go over some things with you. Alright thanks. We'll see you then." Itachi hung up the phone.

"Itachi guess what! We're going to Las Vegas, yeah!" Dana said happily announcing the newly discovered.

"Oh we are, why?" Itachi wondered.

"The EL…W...W….F…RAW thing, yeah!"

"Oh you mean the Evil Leaders With Evil Plans and Completely Convoluted Schemes in order to Achieve Evil Motives seminar…otherwise known as the ELWEPCCSAEM convention?" Itachi asked her.

"YES! That's it! I'm going to take my best Dior heels, yeah. Oh my god I can't wait, this is going to be fun." Dana said.

"Oh by the way, you're brother is a retard so I hired a professional wedding planner that will get shit done for us. We meet with her next Friday."

"Oh but Itachi, we're like so flying out then, yeah," Dana said.

"Damn…..well we'll just reschedule." Itachi said calling the planning place back.

"Marisol! We need someone to watch Princess while we're gone, yeah." Deidara explained to her.

"Awww, I just hate to leave her. But you're right because if I'm drinking in Las Vegas I can't take care of a kitty….I can barely take care of myself." She reasoned.

"How about Jessica, yeah?" Marisol gasped.

"That bitch! Oh she will step on Princess for sure! No!" Marisol was very emphatic.

"Okay….oh! Orochimaru, yeah! He's good with animals!"

"Hmmm….isn't that the creepy pale guy you know? He's kind of…..odd. Not because I think he might be gay but because he wears weird stuff."

"You're right." Deidara said. "Oh! I know who can take care of Princess, yeah! And this little bitch owes me…." Deidara ran for the phone.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS IN CASH!" Lola screamed coming through the front door. "Oh god, I said that out loud. I really need to calm down." Lola said lowly and logically.

"It's okay honey, now hurry it upstairs. Go, go, go, go! Sasori rushed her upstairs. But why did Kisame have a sneaky feeling this trip would be slightly more than memorable?


	2. Chapter 2 The Cat Sitter

"That stupid little shit! Sasori, who are you rooming with?" Hidan asked disgusted with Kakuzu.

"I'm sorry what?" Sasori asked.

"When we leave for Vegas who are you and Lola rooming with?"

"Uh, huh….now when you say 'rooming with'….what exactly do you mean by that?" Sasori was purposely avoiding his question. He didn't want to tell Hidan what Lola had secretly done one week before.

"Who is going to share a room with you and Lola. We know that Deidara, Itachi, Marisol and Dana are all in a room together. Kisame, Zetsu, Kakuzu and me were supposed to room together because Pein and Konan already have a room. But now Kakuzu is being such a fucking ass I will NOT room with him.

"Uh huh yeeeeeeaahhh…about that…..um…..me and Lola have had a room booked for like a week and a half now. You kind of can't stay with us."

"Oh my god, seriously? You mean I'm….I….I'm going to….have to deal with Kakuzu!? How could you do this to me!?"

"It's quite simple really. See, I can sleep with Lola……not you…that would just not work out." Sasori said calmly.

"Sasori! I'm….I'm…..hell I'll get over it. Besides if Kakuzu pisses me off then I'll just drown him in the pool of the MGM Grand Hotel Resort and Casino." Hidan said beginning to formulate a plan.

"That's nice." Sasori said absently as he made a last minute list of things to get for the Vegas trip.

"Okay, Marisol we leave tomorrow, yeah. I have everything worked out for Princess. Do we need any extra food for her, yeah?" Deidara wondered starting to panic about the furry purry little friend who was now winding her way between his legs begging to be picked up.

"Okay, good. Hey do you think I should take an extra set of hot curlers?" Marisol wondered.

"Hmmmm….well it definitely couldn't hurt, yeah." Deidara said. "Oh I am so taking that amazing skin refining toner…you know the one that Nordstrom just started selling, yeah!" Marisol's face lit up.

"I love that toner! She nearly screamed. Downstairs the doorbell rang. Since Lola was the only one downstairs at the time closet to the door she went to answer despite the fact that she was talking rapidly on the phone to someone from her law firm: Callahan, Murray and Associates.

"I don't know I'll have to deal with that in three days, I'm going to Las Vegas tomorrow. Well just have Denise fax those records and then I'll….." Lola opened the door and was speechless for a moment. "Larry, I'm going to have to call you back." She cut her Blackberry off and stared at the figure in the doorway. Lola laughed out loud "Okay, I am REALLY hoping that you aren't the result of a broken condom and an after prom party. SASORI!" Lola yelled upstairs. "Oh come in, I'm Lola."

"Hey do you think we need….OH MY GOD GAARA!? WHAT THE HELL!? WHAT THE….WHY….WHAT THE HELL!?" Sasori's voice had gotten all squeaky and irrational.

"Hey. Sorry, I tried to call….you're on the phone a lot. I'm here to watch the cat." Gaara said.

"You mean dumb ass Deidara drug you all the way down here to feed his damn cat?"

"Yeah, he said I owed him one." Gaara said still holding a travel bag over one shoulder and a suitcase. Sasori sighed and shook his head.

"Oh my god, I am…I am so sorry he did that…DEIDARA!" Sasori yelled. "Oh, oh god. Gaara this is my girlfriend Lola. Lola, Gaara's from Suna. He went to the same school as I did. People fucked with him and made him hate himself just like me.

"Oh thank god. For a minute I thought maybe he was you're and that you were keeping something from me." Lola laughed.

"Oh hell no, although the red hair is a good tip off."

"Hey, Sasori have you soon my overnight moisturizing…..YOU, YEAH!" Deidara said pointing at Gaara who was now sitting on the living room couch with Sasori and Lola. "You're here, good! Alright, now come with me….you have to learn how to take care of Princess, yeah." Deidara instructed. Gaara looked at Sasori.

"It's a cat…what's to know? It meows, it purrs, you feed it." Gaara said shrugging his shoulders.

"Oh, but Gaara this is MARISOL'S cat. It's going to require some kind of special attention I'm sure." Sasori said rolling his eyes.

"Okay, now come with me. You brush her once a day with this brush, when she meows pick her up, when she brushes against her, pick her up, yeah. She eats in the morning, her favorite toy is this little purple mouse with the bow, she likes to be picked up and taken outside to get the mail. Clean her litter box 3 times a day and ALWAYS make sure her water is FRESH, yeah!" Deidara demanded. "Now if she's upset when we get back…it's your ass, yeah." Deidara warned.

"Tobi, Tobi no! No Tobi you can't take that." Zetsu was trying to supervise Tobi's packing…he wasn't doing very well.

"But Zetsu!" Tobi whined.

"Tobi, no one takes a My Little Pony Ultimate Stying Head to Las Vegas!" Zestu was losing his patience.

"Can I…."

"No! No! No! Tobi the last time you took that stupid Stretch Armstrong somewhere you got it caught in a bus door and it stretched half a city block! God…..I can only imagine what it would do on a plane." Zetsu imagined the horror.

"Well what about…."

"Tobi." Zetsu cut Tobi off. "The only things allowed on the trip are clothes, anything you need for the shower, and 5 of those stupid granola bars you like…..nothing else! No stupid things!" Zetsu scolded.

Meanwhile, Itachi was attempting to pack but his temper had gotten the best of him…

"OH MY GOD! YOU'D THINK SUITCASE DESIGNERS WOULDN'T MAKE CHEAP SHIT!" Itachi screamed at the suitcase. "ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP! ZIP YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! AAAAGGGGHHH! OH MY GOD I THINK I JUST BROKE MY FINGER OFF! OH MY GOD! OH GOD! SOMEBODY CHECK IT! HELLLLLLOOOOO! OH MY GOD! DO YOU PEOPLE NOT EVEN CARE. OH FUCK YOUALL! AAAAGGGGHHHHH!" And Itachi went ignored because Dana was underneath the hairdryer, Marisol was buried in the closet. Zetsu was fighting with Tobi, Kisame was outside checking the security system box, Hidan and Kakuzu were into it over why gambling should be a sport, Deidara was busy showing Gaara where all the kitty things were and Lola and Sasori….well they were just trying to avoid it all.


	3. Chapter 3 Beware Vegas!

The alarm clock went off in its blaring annoyance. Lola crawled clumsily over Sasori.

"Yeah, yeah we all hear you…ya little bitch!" Lola scolded the alarm clock. Down the hall a very similar scene took place.

"Hmmmmm…..Marisol….are you awake, yeah? Marisol? Marisol…how….how do you turn this alarm clock off, yeah? Marisol are you asleep. Mari…awwwww Princess is at the bottom of the bed, yeah. Marisol….get up and hug Princess. MARISOL!" Deidara finally woke her up.

"I swear to god ever since Deidara got that damn alarm clock our lives have been pure hell…he doesn't even know how to work that thing!" itachi hissed. He had already been awake for the 5 minutes the alarm clock had been blaring. Dana yawned.

"I think it's daddy's fault. Daddy never could operate alarm clocks….so he never taught Deidara, yeah." Dana said. Itachi sighed.

"Come on, let's get up so we get dibs on the bathroom first."

"Tobi…..Tobi……Tobi…..Tobi…..TOBI!" Zetsu screamed.

"AAGGGHHH AGGHHHHH AGGGHH AAGGGGGHHHH! I'm up! I'm up! I'm up!" Tobi yelled as he awoke in a panic. Naturally he fell out of bed clumsily.

"God, you and your hair gel." Kakuzu said. It wasn't a good idea to get Hidan pissed at 7:30 in the morning….Hidan…well wasn't exactly a morning person.

"GO TO HELL YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

"AAAAGHHH! HIDAN! HIDAN! HIDAN! STOOOOOP!" Hidan was trying to split Kakuzu in two with his scythe.

"THEN QUIT BEING AN ASS AND LET ME WORK ON MY HAIR!" Meanwhile, while all the chaos between Hidan and Kakuzu ensued, Kisame was headed downstairs with his luggage.

"Hey, did you sleep on the couch last night?" he asked Gaara who had already woken up.

"Yeah, it wasn't bad. I'm staying in Sasori's room after you all leave this morning."

"Did he tell you to absolutely not take the cat in there?" Kisame wondered.

"Yeah I guess….uh….what's her name has allergies to it….Lola there we go….sorry it's early for me."

It was also much too early for the phone to be ringing. Zetsu answered it even though he was trying to supervise Tobi. "Hey Pein. What do you mean when is our plane leaving? I thought you and Konan were on our flight? Oh, well we leave at 10:30. We're going to get to the airport at 9:00. Okay. So then if your plane leaves in 20 minutes does that mean you're going to be checking into the MGM Grand or are you going to wait on us. Alright, alright. Okay, we'll see you in Vegas." Zetsu hung up the phone. It was now 8:00. Sasori's coffee was exactly 30 minutes overdo.

"You want some coffee?" Sasori asked Gaara.

"No thanks, I'm going to go to McDonald's after you all leave. I just hope they have the iced coffee this early." Sasori was perplexed at this statement.

"It's exactly like hot coffee, Gaara."

"No, no…..it's…..iced."

"But this coffee, see what I brew every morning….it's 16 dollars a pound…and it's freaking AMAZING…and it's not that supposed 'premium roast' shit that McDonald's claims to have. Gaara…it's so NOT premium roast. For the love of god perk FASTER." Sasori tried to convince the coffee maker.

"Awww, Princess are you going to help me pick out clothes for today?" Marisol asked as she held Princess up to her closet. "Okay, you choose something. Oooooh Princess that's a pretty choice." Marisol told her as her cat tried to claw at something in the closet. Okay now pick something out for Deidara!" She encouraged Princess. Hidan's mood had changed drastically as he pranced downstairs to join Sasori and Gaara. Either Kakuzu was dead or he must have left Hidan alone. Tobi nearly fell down the stairs with all his luggage.

"No Tobi! I told you three times you can't take all those bags! You have to leave something behind!" Zetsu was already sick of Tobi and it was only 8:15.

"But Zetsu, I need these things!"

"You don't need that bowl of fruit! You don't need that Power Rangers pillow! You don't need that magic eight ball! You don't need Battleship! AND YOU DON'T NEED THE PLAY-DOH TRIM AND STYLE BARBER SHOP PLAYHOP! Now take that crap back upstairs!" Zetsu scolded. Surprisingly, Dana was the next one downstairs. She had drastically over packed and it would be a miracle if the airline would actually let her take everything.

"Okay, I'm ready, yeah. Itachi is upstairs practically gouging Deidara's eyes out because Deidara won't give up the hair straightener, yeah."

"Itachi I will be done in just a little bit, yeah." Deidara tried to convince him.

"I don't care! I want it now!"

"Itachi, when you were in kindergarten remember how you had to share with others, yeah? Deidara questioned.

"What the hell! All the kids gave their stuff to me because I've always been prettier than them….NOW GIVE ME THAT!" Itachi commanded. Kisame, having been the first one ready, had already called two cabs to get them to the airport.

"HEY! I HOPE YOU PEOPLE ARE ALMOST READY! WE HAVE TO BE AT THE AIRPORT IN 40 MINUTES!" Sasori yelled upstairs. Lola was the next one ready and coming down the stairs with a large carry on bag, a laptop and a briefcase.

"You know Sasori it's like one time I….HOLY…..AAAACK…AAACK…AAAAA." Hidan started choking on the glass of orange juice he had been drinking. Hidan ran over to the sink in the event he would spill the juice he still had. He finally recovered. "Oh……my…….god…..." Lola sat her stuff down beside the other luggage that she and Sasori had packed. Kisame stared at her for a long time. He didn't blink for at least 50 seconds.

"What?" she finally asked.

"Oh…uh….nothing….nothing…….nothing…." he finally said.

"Why are you choking horrifically?" Sasori asked Hidan calmly as he shoved a mug of coffee towards Lola. Lola grabbed it and went back upstairs remembering that she had left a part to the laptop on the desk.

"Why the HELL didn't you warn me that….that…..that Lola….had nice clothes….and an even nicer rack." Fortunately (or unfortunately) Sasori didn't hear the last part of Hidan's sentence because he started choking again.

"Huh? Lola's always had nice clothes. Oh, Gaara, here's a hundred dollars as long as you don't have a whore in my bed I don't care what you do for the next three days."

"I'm not…." Gaara was interrupted by Hidan

"But Sasori, she's……you know never mind." Hidan was still in a state of shock that Lola looked like a Playboy playmate this morning and truthfully no one had ever seen her wear anything except a New England Patriots sweatshirt that was two sizes two big and sweatpants of the same style. Naturally, no one was ever awake when she went to work. She quickly returned with the power adapter for the laptop.

"Okay we're ready to leave, yeah!" Deidara happily announced as he and Marisol tugged their luggage toward the door. "You! You listen to me. When me and Marisol get back….our little Princess better be EXACTLY the same as we left her, yeah." Deidara warned. Itachi and Dana were following shortly behind them.

"Um, Sasori? When did you get nice clothes, yeah?" Deidara asked Sasori.

"I've always…you know what this isn't worth my time."

"Cab's here!" Kisame announced.

"Be a good girl Princess! Yes, you be a good girl! We love you, yeah!" Deidara put their beloved cat back down to the floor.

"Hey, call if you need anything." Sasori told Gaara as they left.

"Did he give you money?" Lola asked Gaara.

"Yeah, don't worry things will be fine." Gaara reassured her. Sasori grabbed his and Lola's luggage and followed her out the door.

Look out Las Vegas……Look out.


	4. Chapter 4 Annoying Deidara

"Oh, sorry…sorry…sorry…oh I'm sorry….sorry…sorry…I'm sorry….sorry about that….sorry….here it is! E31!" Dana announced after knocking half a dozen passengers in the head with her giant Louis Vuitton carry on bag. Of course, Deidara and Marisol followed behind Dana knocking the same passengers around again with their giant carry on bags.

"Geez, you'd think those passengers had been knocked in the head or something judging by the way that they glared at us, yeah!" Deidara said.

"I know! What's up with that?" Marisol added. Tobi and Kisame had already gotten on to the plane. Tobi was currently trying to jam his bag above him in the overhead storage. He had not obeyed what Zetsu had told him and he had packed way too much and now he was trying to jam everything as tightly as he possibly could into the compartment. In another row, Hidan sat by the window, Sasroi was beside him and Lola was on the end nearest to the aisle.

"Lola, I thought one of the last things you said last night was quote 'I'm not doing anything work related for the next three days…no notes, no e-mail and no phone calls. I'm going to have a vacation, damn it.' End of quote." Sasori asked watching as Lola whipped out her laptop and was already typing an e-mail a hundred miles a minute.

"Oh baby, baby, baby…I'm going to keep my promise. I'm sending this e-mail to Ma telling her I'm on my way to Vegas and this laptop has a blu-ray player in it……and I brought the Planet Earth series!" Lola said.

"Oh my god, you brought Planet Earth!?" Sasori was thrilled.

"Yeah, which one you wanna watch first, open ocean, deserts, caves, the arctic…."Lola offered al the options.

"Hell it doesn't matter any of them."

"Hey, hey, go ask that stewardess what time we're arriving in Vegas today." Lola requested.

"Oh, okay hold on." Sasori climbed over her.

"Did I not tell him to not pack so much crap!" Zetsu scolded watching Tobi shove on his stuff some more.

"Hey, it's okay Zetsu. You tried man. Come sit down with me." Kakuzu said motioning for Zetsu to come join him. Zetsu figured he may as well give up on Tobi and let him continue to struggle.

"You know I can't believe that stupid airport security! They made me stow my bag! God! They said it was too big! Those asses! Now I don't have anything…ANYTHING! How am I supposed to look amazing when we get to Las Vegas? Huh? How!? Those assholes STOWED MY BAG! I HAD A BRUSH IN IT! I mean so what it was only 10 inches longer than the carry on restrictions….they aren't gorgeous! They don't know what it takes! Deidara! Deidara are you listening to me!? God, this is just like talking to my dad! Have you heard anything about the hell I've been through in the past 10 minutes?

"Hey Itachi, um what's ED, yeah?

"Oh my god, you don't listen to anything I say! You don't give a shit about how these damn airline personnel have treated me! I don't know what it is! Why!?" Itachi was less than pleasant.

"Well, this morning I was watching TV while Marisol was in the shower and see I had Princess on the bed with me because I wanted to pet her as much as I possibly could before we left for this trip you know since she's soooooooo cute, yeah. And since that stupid Gaara is supposed….." Itachi cut Deidara off.

"Deidara….GET TO YOUR FUCKING POINT!" he hissed.

"Oh, yeah well so I was watching TV and there was this commercial with all these people singing and stuff and then this guys starts talking about how ED doesn't interfere with his life and to talk to your doctor, yeah. I've never seen that commercial before have you, yeah? Now, I've seen the commercial about the Nintendo Wii where there's the Asian guys and…." Itachi cut Deidara off again.

"Do you not notice that I have had a very terrible time getting on this plane do you honestly think I even care what the hell ED is? I DON'T KNOW WHAT ED IS DEIDARA!" Had Itachi done his homework, he probably wouldn't have shouted that loudly as passengers were boarding the plane.

"10:30 Vegas time, Lola." Sasori said reporting back to Lola. She shook her head. Sasori's phone rang. He had recently updated to the iphone….his RAZR days were long gone.

"Hey Pein….hey wait, how did you get this number? Oh well. Yeah, you're twenty minutes from being there? Okay we will see you there at around 10:30 Vegas time. Bye."

"Oh! Oh god what the hell are you doing?!" Lola said rather angrily at Deidara who was practically falling into her lap right now.

"Hey, hey Sasori Danna. I have to ask you something because you're like….well you're old and Tobi isn't and I thought you would know because you know more in general than stupid ass Tobi does and Itachi's upset right now and so anyway I saw this commercial on TV this morning while Marisol was in the shower and all these people were singing and stuff and I had Princess on the bed because I love Princess and she's just so sweet and cuuuute and…."

"Oh my god! Would you get to your point! You are smothering me in some kind of god-awful cologne that I wouldn't put on a dog, your hair is in my face and we were getting ready to watch Planet Earth but now you're blocking the damn screen on my laptop!"

"Oh, okay, okay….wait you don't like this cologne, yeah. It's Unforgivable that's like THE hottest cologne right now, yeah. You know maybe it's not for older people, yeah. Maybe…."

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DEIDARA WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!" Sasori had lost patience. Oddly, Hidan was keeping very very quiet and staying out of everything. Perhaps something was wrong with him?

"Oh sorry, I'm sorry. Sasori, what's ED, yeah?" Lola couldn't' help but laugh out loud.

"Oh my god, you wasted all that time just because you didn't know what Erectile Dysfunction is?" Lola said still laughing.

"Oh my god is that what ED stands for? Sasori do you have that, yeah!?" Deidara was starting to panic.

"Okay first, NO. Second, get the hell back to your seat, it's going to take off in like two minutes." Sasori said completely and utterly annoyed by Deidara.

"Alright, I'm going besides Marisol needs help stowing her bag. Oh and Lola, I just want you to know that you did not have to get a boob job for Sasori he is just not worth it, yeah." Deidara just HAD to add that before returning to row E……thank god he was in row E and Hidan, Sasori and Lola were in row J.

"What the hell!?" Lola looked down in confusion. "Hey, hey MY BREASTS ARE REAL!" Lola said much too loudly.

"Yeah, the guy sitting in row F just turned around." Sasori observed.

"Oh god, I can never fly America West Airlines again….screw those frequent flyer miles."

Meanwhile, towards the back of the plane, things weren't going much smoother.

"Tobi, it's not going to fit. You brought too many things. I think Zetsu told you not to pack so much." Kakuzu said trying to help Tobi out. But it was now time for the plane to take off and the stewards and stewardesses somehow missed Tobi's luggage haphazardly crammed in the overhead compartment. So, there it dangled over Kisame's head because Tobi was sitting beside Kisame.

"Tobi, you better hope that doesn't fall during the flight." Kakuzu warned.

"Good morning passengers and thank you for flying America West airlines flight 3451 direct service to Las Vegas. In a moment we will be departing and we ask that you check all overhead compartments and turn off all electronic devices until further notice. Beverage service will begin shortly into the flight. Thank you for flying America West." The stewardess made the announcements and the plane began to roll down the runway.


	5. Chapter 5 The Arrival

"You ever wonder why we're all not gay?" Kisame asked out of nowhere.

"Um, I'm sorry what the hell did you just say?" Zetsu asked seemingly perturbed by Kisame's offbeat question.

"Seriously, seriously think about this…we're all guys. We have lived together for how long now? We've all had plenty of time to be gay since we've lived with each other for so freaking long….we've had plenty of time to be gay….WHY AREN'T WE GAY!?" Kisame tried to logic through all this.

"Kisame…between Deidara, Itachi Lola and now you…we have screamed some seriously weird phrases throughout the passenger area of this plane….it's only a matter of time before we get banned from flying America West all together….just like the time Hidan got banned from Waffle House for swearing at a bunch of lumberjacks. And to answer your question..I honest to god don't know because every word you said makes absolute perfect sense! Wow….Kisame….we're not gay…who would have thought!" Zetsu said quite intrigued by this whole conversation. However all the happy hypothesizing was rudely interrupted by none other than Tobi's crammed luggage spewing out of the overhead storage and spilling out into the aisle. A Play-Doh barber shop, silly putty, magic eight ball, ping pong paddles, swim fins, the game Hungry Hippos, two Akatsuki robes and the Baltimore area newspaper went flying into the aisle. Zetsu glared angrily at Tobi because Zetsu had ordered that Tobi not take half of the stuff that had just gotten spilled everywhere.

"Um…..I can get that!" Tobi insisted getting ready to get out of his seat even though the fasten seatbelts sign was shining it's bright orange.

"No, no, no…Tobi…the damage is done…you messed up…and now your crap is rolling down the aisle to first class."

"But I…." Tobi started.

"TOBI! This plane lands in 20 minutes…just let your shit get in everyone's way until we can collect it without getting some kind of airline fine for getting out of our seats.

"Oooooh Dana look! A magical eight ball!" Marisol said reaching under her seat and picking up Tobi's magic eight ball that had rolled forward 8 aisles. "Oh! Let's ask it something! Oooh mystical, magical eight ball…will me and Dana be able to get in the pool before 11:30 tonight?" Marisol shook the eight ball wildly. She gasped. "Yes, definitely!"

"My turn! My turn, yeah! Dana said excitedly. "Oh great and powerful knows everything magic trick eight ball….How much shopping will me and Marisol be able to do in Las Vegas, yeah?" Dana shook the eight ball. "Ask again later… Whoa…this thing is AMAZING…it like…thinks about what it's going to say, yeah!" Dana was fascinated with the magic eight ball. Of course Deidara caught sight of it.

"Oh my god, is that a magic cue ball…hey isn't that Tobi's robe out in the middle of the aisle, yeah?" Deidara questioned to no one in particular. "Oh well…dear magic pool ball! Will Itachi get any while we're in Las Vegas, yeah?" Itachi rolled his eyes at Deidara's ridiculously OBVIOUS question.

"Oh! It says don't count on it, yeah! Itachi did you piss Dana off?" Deidara asked seriously. Itachi glared at Deidara and angrily took the eight ball from him.

"Will Deidara get his face smashed in if he doesn't shut the hell up?" Itachi asked the eight ball…With certainty." Itachi handed the eight ball to Deidara who was going to obediently get rid of it. But, just as Deidara prepared to take back to Tobi….he dropped it…and it went rolling along right into first class.

Attention passengers, America West direct service to Las Vegas will be landing in approximately 10 minutes. Please keep seatbelts fastened as we prepare for landing…would the passenger in S7 please pick up the belongings that have scattered everywhere. Thank you." The airline stewardess announced. Zetsu glared at Tobi knowing that it was Tobi whom the stewardess was referring to.

"You know, I just really want to know what's going on with you. You haven't said like…4 words to me since we got on the plane." Lola asked Hidan as she tucked her laptop safely away in its case.

"Oh well….I uh….I get motion sickness easily…seriously." Hidan answered quickly.

"No you don't." Sasori insisted. "You and I drove all the way to Miami Beach reading maps and screaming at Tobi."

"Oh well…that was….." Hidan sighed. "Fine! Fine! Fine! Okay I feel guilty because OH MY GOD SASORI I WOULD FREAKING BONE YOUR WOMAN! You're right! You're right! None of us ever paid attention to the fact that Lola was so damn hot and now…. shit! God! Son of a bitch! Damn! Fucking piece of……." And Hidan's guilt induced rant continued.

"Okay, you remember how you're pretty much never flying America West? Well….it looks like I'm not either. And I'm thinking….he may wanna talk about this later…." Sasori said to Lola packing up some of the things he had unloaded from his carry-on bag.

Thank god, it wouldn't be long before all of Akatsuki would be off this plane and soon. In the airport Pein and Konan waited patiently waited for everyone else.

"So….all you do is look at me and purr." Gaara said to Princess. Things were going good back home. He had already gone through two of Lola's photo albums and now he was checking out the most recent pictures from Lola's graduation. He had also re-organized all of Sasori's clothes so that all the same colors were together…he wasn't certain if Sasori would appreciate that. Gaara had also put away all the dishes, collected all the mail, gave the cat a bath, and was now intrigued by the fact that Sasori hadn't been lying about Lola being a lawyer. He seemed to have everything under control.

Back in Las Vegas, the plane had landed and now passengers were filing off. Dana managed to hit all seated passengers again with her bag. Kisame started to panic once he got off the plane. He was convinced there was no baggage claim area and that their luggage would be gone for pretty much ever. Thank goodness for Zetsu's calming words….

"Kisame, shut up! There's always a baggage claim in airports! Now suck it up and follow Lola, Hidan and Sasori. They're going the right way." Tobi was running behind everyone as his stuff kept falling out of his arms and he lost time to stop and pick it up. Sure enough, there was Pein and Konan at baggage claim.

"Hey, how was the flight?" Pein asked Sasori.

"It was okay. As you can hear behind me Deidara and Itachi packed too much and all they do is bitch about how they can't carry it all. Hey, this is Hidan. You haven't met him yet. He's one of our good ones. This is my girl Lola. Kakuzu is on his way up here…right now it appears that he's fighting with a 70 year old woman over who found a penny on the floor first. Oh, by the way. Lola this is Konan."

"Hi, nice to meet you." Lola said as she watched for their bags.

"Hi Pein, Konan, how's it going?" Kisame said gathering up his luggage and plopping it down beside Pein.

"Hey man, Vegas is great. Konan and I have already gone to three of those shows.

"Um….is Tobi running around the conveyor belt of luggage chasing a basketball?" Konan asked. Kisame sighed.

"You know…don't get me started with Tobi." He said. After much clambering, tugging, and throwing everyone's luggage was finally located and it was time to pile into at least two cabs and head for the amazing MGM Grand Hotel and Resort Casino.


	6. Chapter 6 The Buffet

"Oh my god! This is like THE most amazing place like….well….EVER!" Marisol said to Dana as they entered their room.

"I know! Oh my god I can't wait to get unpacked and….oh who cares come on let's go unpack, yeah!"

"God! Those dumb asses spelled my name wrong on my name badge…AGAIN. See, ITACHA! God! You'd think they'd get it right after the fourth year of coming to these stupid conventions!" Itachi whined. Hey, Deidara where are we going tonight?" Itachi started pulling clothes from his luggage.

"Marisol wants to go to the strip for sure and look for discounted Gucci shoes, yeah. Oh and we really want to try one of those buffets that Vegas is famous for. Oh my god and the pool here! Did you see it? We also have GOT to go to the pool, yeah. And we can't forget happy hour downstairs. I saw a sign that said daiquiri's were only three dollars after 7:00, yeah! OH MY GOD ITACHI I CAN'T WAIT, YEAH!" Deidara started shaking Itachi.

"Alright, well let's change clothes and get going." Itachi insisted. "Oh and why we're out we need to find a pharmacy. I have a headache and it won't go away until me and Dana are settled in for the evening if you get what I'm saying." Itachi said. Deidara thought for a moment.

"You know….I so have no idea what you're talking about but if you have a headache, there's a pharmacy right outside. I can see it from this window, yeah." Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Fine, we'll go over there first before we get into town." Meanwhile, further up on the twenty-second floor…..

"Now, Tobi unpack in one area of the room and nowhere else." Zetsu instructed.

"You know, I'm still mad at Sasori for booking his own room. I mean, now you me and Kakuzu are stuck in here together with Tobi. Hidan's lucky enough to possibly room with Pein and Konan…otherwise we're all stuck in here with Tobi." Kisame said as he unpacked.

"Hey, check out the list of events tomorrow. What are some of the first things we want to see? Are there going to be booths this year with free samples and stuff?" Zetsu asked.

"Did you say free?" Kakuzu had piped up.

"Yes….Kakuzu there will be free things here." Kisame said unexcitedly. Kakuzu was practically foaming at the mouth..

"Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you call Sasori and see what he and Lola are doing for dinner." Zetsu suggested.

"I don't even know what room he's in. and this phone won't call his cell for free." Kakuzu said.

"Good point." Zetsu said. "TOBI! I TOLD YOU ONE PART OF THE ROOM! GOD YOU DON'T LISTEN AT ALL!" Zetsu had really had it with Tobi.

"Hidan…"

"And I mean my god I'm just so sorry Sasori! I'm such a fucking perverted moron! Please Sasori….please I'm begging you as a friend…please…kick me in the balls!"

"Hidan…."

"I mean my god! If I had the past emotional issues that you did and MY friend….NOT dumb ass Kakuzu came up to me and said hey you're girl is hot and I'd sleep with her….I WOULD FREAK THE HELL OUT! Sasori, the only proper thing…" Sasori cut Hidan off.

"HIDAN!"

"Oh, yeah?" Hidan asked calmly.

"Really, it's okay Hidan. Relax…now are you coming to eat with us or not? Pein and Konan are going too. It's okay Hidan…..it's okay." Of course Hidan started to cry.

"OH MY GOD YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND ANYONE HAS EVER HAD!!!" Hidan hugged Sasori. "Okay now I feel better about talking to Lola again…even though I know I'll probably be talking to her chest. How the hell do you talk to her eyes anyway?" Hidan just HAD to know.

"Huh?" Sasori wondered.

"You know, never mind, let's go see if Pein and Konan are ready to leave." Hidan suggested.

Exactly 34 minutes later…….

"Great, this is just great. Itachi, Deidara, Marisol and Dana already left to do whatever it is they are doing tonight. Sasori, Lola, Pein and Konan took off and now here we are stuck with none other than Tobi." Zetsu said quite disappointed.

"No worries Zetsu. I happen to know that Deidara, Itachi, Dana and Marisol went to the Caesar's Palace steak and seafood buffet. We can just go over there. We'll run into them, and we can leave Tobi here with his stupid stuff he dragged along on this trip. He'll be fine." Kisame said logically.

"Okay, okay…I'm liking this…Kakuzu you in?" Zetsu asked.

"Of course! I found this coupon for five dollars off any buffet! Hell, let's go!"

Itachi, Deidara, Dana and Marisol had already arrived. This was their second stop of the night besides the pharmacy.

"Dana, have we ever actually been to a buffet before?" Marisol asked her as together they examined the buffet.

"I don't think we have, yeah. But this is exciting! I mean look Marisol….we get to like…pick the stuff ourselves!"

"Come on Dana what are we waiting for!" Marisol pulled Dana toward the super amazing buffet at the infamous Caesar's Palace.

"Okay, now remember Dana is really good at haggling with street vendors so let her do all the talking when we go to the strip later, yeah.' Deidara explained as he examined the lobster tail.

"Deidara…we're ON the strip right now. And I know my angel is an excellent haggler. You know I used to think it was her body that got her all the street vendor bargains….but you know then Marisol came along who I mean honestly, Deidara isn't as hot as Dana and then they were both getting these amazing bargains from street vendors and I knew Dana could talk her way into any deal." Deidara started to panic slightly.

"Oh my god, Itachi what are you saying, yeah. Oh my god…Itachi are you……slamming MY girlfriend!?" Deidara's voice started getting all high and squeaky. "Oh my god Itachi, Marisol is the most beautiful girl in the world and now you're saying these things that……" Itachi threw a shrimp skewer onto Deidara's plate. He knew Deidara's short attention span would distract quickly to the shrimp. "Whoa….is that a shrimp skewer, yeah?"

"Hey look Marisol, it's Kakuzu, Kisame and Zetsu. HI GUYS! COME CHECK OUT THE BUFFET, YEAH!" Dana screamed across the restaurant seeing the three of them come in. "Marisol! Oh my god, there's a soup and salad bar too, yeah."

"Dana, we can't fit another thing on this plate….oh! wait….let's go put these plates at our table and get ANOTHER plate!' Dana's eyes lit up.

"We should so do that! I mean look, how many plates do they have like…800,000, yeah?" The idea was pure genius….

"So, what do you do?" Konan asked Lola.

"I work at Home Depot in floor coverings." Lola said very seriously. Of course she also heard Sasori's wine glass hit the table. She could feel brown eyes all over her. She carefully looked back at him. "What? Home Depot's got a great retirement plan….you wanna try this fettuccini?" Lola asked innocently.

"Okay, now you want to tell Konan what you REALLY do?" Sasori thought it was so stupid that Lola was reluctant to tell strangers what her real occupation was. She always feared it would end in one of those dreadful judgmental 'wow you must be a very boring person' type scenarios or worse the 'you're a woman you can't have a high profile career' type scenarios.

"Fine…but I'm only doing this because…you know…I love you and stuff." Lola said still reluctant about the whole thing. "I'm a prosecuting attorney." She said as much under her breath as possible.

"A what?" Lola sighed.

"I'm a prosecuting attorney. I just passed my bar like…I don't know two months ago. So yeah, I'm an attorney…..oh god I need some more wine…." Lola took Sasori's wine glass and poured the rest out into her own glass. She quickly gave it back. "Um….the bottle's over there by Konan…yeah….no one's saying anything right now."

"Oh my god! That's…..hell that's impressive. God, so that means you have business cards and a direct office line! Pein, you don't even have that!" Konan said.

"Well, you know the leader is cheap. Ever since Orochimaru got that stupid idea to hire a plane that carries one of those banners and fly it over the hideout the leader has really been tight with promotional money." Pein told his beloved Konan.

"And you know, that banner would have been okay had it not said 'Sasuke, I'm sorry I'm a bitch sometimes Love Orochimaru'." Sasori commented.

"How did Itachi react to that?" Konan just HAD to ask. Sasori laughed.

"He was on the phone screaming at Sasuke for 27 minutes….I taped it…put it on Youtube…god I had forgotten about that. I wonder if it's still there?" Sasori thought out loud.

Speaking of Orochimaru and all his pals…would they be at this year's evil convention?


	7. Chapter 7 Hit Me

"Alright, it's 8:30. The sessions begin this morning at 9:00. We need to decide what we're going to attend and when." Kisame said. It was the next morning and it was time for everyone to get down to business…well almost everyone.

"Sasori, what are you going to attend? I can't decide between the 9 AM 'Advanced Evil Planning' seminar or the 9 AM 'Techniques and Jutsus for holding hostages'." Zetsu wondered. He shoved the schedule of events toward Sasori. Sasori shoved it right back at him.

"Zetsu, do you have any idea how many of these things I've been to? Do you have any idea how many lectures I've sat through? Do you have any idea how many times I've attended these things and done exactly what I'm supposed to do? Zetsu, I'm in Las Vegas with Lola….I am NOT going to any of these things. Me and Lola are going to live it up for the next three days."

"Whatever, Pein will you help me decide what seminar to attend?" Zetsu asked.

"Kakuzu, you always do shit like this! See, you're only going to the 'financial planning for evil organizations' because you think that the leader is going to turn all the banking over to you!"

"I do NOT think that! You just want to attend the 'religious beliefs for missing-nins' because you want to see how many other Jasshin followers there are…you're not interested in the different beliefs!"

"So, what's wrong with networking you retarded piece of shit! It's good to fellowship with your fellow Jasshinists, seriously!" Hidan was losing patience.

"Why won't you just go to the financial meeting with me!"

"Why won't you just go to hell! Hidan screamed. It was going to be a pleasant day…

"Now, I was thinking me and Dana would go to one of those amazing boutiques downtown since you and Itachi are going to that 'Explosives' seminar thing. Is that okay?" Marisol asked.

"It's okay I just wish I could go too, yeah." Deidara's heart sunk a little.

"Well, baby, we'll go back if we find something like…you know…worth seeing." Marisol reassured him.

"We will, yeah!?" Deidara felt better.

"Of course we will. You two go to that thing and get those free insulated mugs you were talking about and we'll see you for lunch." Deidara kissed her goodbye and off she went with Dana to wreak havoc on Las Vegas.

"Hey….HEEEEEEY! Stop all the arguing. Are you two taking Tobi with you today?" Kisame asked.

"Yes, we'll deal with Tobi even though he DID keep us up half the night with that stupid Battleship game." Kakuzu said.

"Konan and I are going to hit all the booths and displays first. We want to get to all the free stuff before it's all picked over." Pein explained.

"Hmmm…You do have a good point….and I do like things that are free….I'm going to!" Kakuzu had completely changed his mind from the original idea of his financial planning meeting.

"Okay, it's 8:47. I'm going to go see if Lola's ready to get going. Make sure Itachi knows it's not polite to scream at the booth vendors this year."Sasori warned as he left everyone else. He decided this would be a good time to call Gaara and check on him and the cat. "Hey, it's me. How's it going?"

"Hi, dude, you went to a Harvard graduation! I can't believe that you went to a Harvard graduation. Oh and this cat doesn't do much." Gaara said on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah, Harvard was something else and yeah…it's..well it's a cat and it walks around and occasionally pounces on its toy mouse."

"Oh by the way, it curled up in the bed in your room but don't worry I washed everything." Gaara explained.

"Alright, well I just thought I'd check on things. I'm off to play some table games later this morning. See you in two days." Sasori hung up the phone.

Itachi and Deidara were roaming around one of the MGM Grand convention rooms when it happened……"Oh….my…..god….what the hell are you doing here?!" Itachi said completely shocked and outraged at the same time to see Sasuke standing before him. Sasuke sighed.

"I'm here with you know, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Kimi…." Itachi cut Sasuke off.

"Please say not more….you're here because you're Orochimaru's bitch and oh my god your shirt is horrible!"

"I am not Orochimaru's…." Sasuke sighed again. "Look, the airline lost my luggage and this shirt is Kabuto's because I slept with him…..oh damn wait what I meant to say was that I didn't sleep with him like that….." Itachi looked at Deidara who had his hands folded over his chest at the sight of Kabuto and then he glared back at Sasuke.

"Oh….you have said ENOUGH."

"Hey, Sasuke the seminar on Kimiaru's bloodline is about to…..Deidara." Kabuto said that last part coldly as he noticed Itachi and Deidara with Sasuke.

"Kabuto." Deidara answered back in the same manner.

"I see you're still wearing the expensive clothes that hug the incredible body you have." Kabuto said with as little jealousy in his voice as possible…it didn't work.

"Yes….I see you're still wearing……glasses, yeah." It was all Deidara could think of.

"Hey you guys get over….UCHIHA ITACHI." Orochimaru hissed with anger as he saw who Kabuto and Sasuke had encountered.

"Orochimaru. I see you still want my less hot little brother and that you still have got no game." Itachi challenged.

"Itachi, we are so not playing basketball right now, yeah." Deidara whispered. Itachi glared at Deidara. "Well, we aren't, yeah." Deidara tried to defend his statement.

"Uchiha Itachi, you think you're one of those 'high rollers' well….I will tell you…I played the nickel slots last night….I won four dollars." Orochimaru said.

"OH MY GOD! NONE OF THAT EVEN MAKES SENSE! AND WHY DO YOU ALWAYS ADRESS ME BY MY FULL NAME!" Itachi was losing it which wasn't exactly unusual. "Come on Deidara, let's get out of here before we get kicked off some VIP list somewhere." Itachi said quickly dragging Deidara away from the scene.

"But,Itachi we so didn't get any of the free stuff, yeah! I really wanted one of those explosive samples, yeah!" Deidara whined.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! We can't be seen around my stupid less attractive….hey…you do think I'm hotter than Sasuke…right? I mean I still am the hot one right?" Itachi needed the reassurance.

"Okay, Itachi I'm going to say this in a totally non-gay, way, yeah. I do think you're the hotter one and obviously Dana does too since there's all those times when I can hear her underneath you screaming out when she…."

"Okay, okay, okay…I….I think I get it." Itachi laughed. "Yeah, Dana really does think I'm hot…..in so many ways."

"I have one thousand dollars in my bra. Now, listen. As you already know I used to work a blackjack table when I was in Atlantic City. I know how the dealers arrange the decks. I'm going for the 50 dollar table. Now you come watch me when I hit and when I stay."

"God, Lola you're like…one of those guys from Oceans Eleven….only not a guy and so damn gorgeous." Sasori told her as Lola drug him by the hand to the fifty dollar blackjack table.

"Hello there." Lola was greeted by a blackjack dealer. Sasori already didn't like the look on his face.

"Hi there, what kind of hand you dealing today?"

"You're lucky hand baby doll, you're lucky hand." Sasori was now convinced that the card dealer would rape Lola if Sasori walked away. The dealer laid a card down.

"Hit me." The dealer laid another card down. "Hit me." Lola insisted. She looked at the next card. She knew what to do. But Lola was an excellent bluffer, so she thought about it. "I'll stay." She said finally making eye contact with the dealer. She watched him lay down the next card. She won the hand. The dealer shoved a one hundred dollar token in front of her, she had doubled her money. She shoved the token back toward the dealer and watched him lay down a card for a new hand. "Hit me." She said confidently. She looked at the next card. "Hit me." She did this to the next 2 cards as well. "I'll stay." The dealer revealed the next card. Sure enough, Lola won another hand. Now, there she was with two hundred dollars.

"Congratulations, it really is your lucky day." Lola smiled.

"Every day is MY lucky day." Lola said and took a nearly paralyzed Sasori with her as she left the table.

"I've never wanted you more than I do right now." Sasori barely choked out, his mouth had gone dry.

"Okay baby, now this two hundred dollars…I'll turn it in to six hundred on the higher tables. But here…" Lola reached into her bra. "Here's fifty dollars go play the poker table. When you see me again…I'll be buying dinner at Emeril Lagasse's Delmonico tonight!" Lola was the perfect gambling cheerleader.

"Uh huh….I love you….." Sasori was still in a slight paralytic shock.


	8. Chapter 8 50 Lemons

"Dana! Marisol! Are you ready to go to the pool?" Itachi yelled into the bathroom. "Happy hour begins in 20 minutes."

"Yes We're almost done! I'm doing Dana's hair and then we'll be ready to leave!" Marisol yelled back. Deidara and Itachi had completed a big day in the MGM Grand Convention center. They had managed to get seven free gifts, attend three lectures, and harass Orochimaru, Sasuke, and Kabuto. Now it was time to kick back and party the rest of the night away.

"Okay, here we are, yeah!" Dana said presenting her beautiful self with Marisol's hairstyle that she had piled on top of Dana's head. It matched her new bikini that she just couldn't wait to debut. "I am so going to wear these high heels with this bikini, yeah. It will totally complete this look!"

"I've got our bag with room keys, magazines, extra towels, seventy-five dollars…no wait, 175 dollars, and….well I guess that's all I have, yeah." Deidara said digging through his man-purse.

"Do you have an extra change of clothes for you and me?" Itachi asked.

"Oh….no I don't, should we take extra clothes, yeah? I mean we're not that far from the room once we go downstairs to that Delta Blue poolside restaurant with the swim up bar."

"Take our extra clothes, Deidara we have the most beautiful women in Las Vegas with us and you want to be seen with them wearing the same thing to AND from the pool?"

"I guess you do have a point, yeah." Deidara said quickly packing their extra clothes. Meanwhile, back in the convention center.

"That was the most boring lecture I've ever heard in my life." Kisame said.

"I know! Everything that guy talked about…well…we already know all that stuff!" Zetsu agreed.

"Seriously, and we missed most of the free stuff because we made it a point to go to that!" Hidan said.

"I liked the slide show!" Tobi said excitedly.

"You would Tobi, you would." Kakuzu said mostly under his breath.

"Well, hey why don't we all catch a show or something. All the stuff is over for the day and we still have time tonight to check out Vegas." Kisame suggested.

"That's a great idea. Dora the Explorer on ice is at the Venetian tonight. You know that would entertain Tobi for a good 2 hours." Zetsu said.

"Is this going to cost?" Kakuzu wondered.

"It doesn't matter, the leader is picking up the tab for most of this weekend anyway." Kisame reassured him.

"Well had I known that I would have bought those ultra tacky 'I'm with Stupid' t-shirts for me and Hidan to wear!" Kakuzu scolded himself.

"You're such an idiot! Why would I have ever worn such a retarded thing with you!" Hidan yelled at him.

"Hey! Those were good shirts, it's the humor in them!" Kakuzu argued back.

"No, it's the moron in them!" Hidan yelled back.

"Come on let's head over to the Venetian, if we're lucky we'll get good seats." Kisame said.

"Oh my god, we are seriously not going to see that damn Dora the Explorer on ice are we?" Zetsu asked.

"Look how excited Tobi is." Kisame said pointing to Tobi who was jumping up and down frantically and clapping. Zetsu sighed.

"Does he eat sugar for breakfast….lunch and dinner every day?" he asked to no one in particular. "No, Kisame we are in Las Vegas….we're not going to the Dora thing. I know, let's go catch one of those wild shows at Circus Circus. That place will entertain Tobi for sure."

"Yeah, I think we can all live with that." Kisame agreed.

"Do we get in free?" Kakuzu asked very concerned. No one answered him, they were sick of him questioning everything that involved spending a dollar.

"By the way, has anyone seen Sasori, Pein, Konan or Lola?" Kisame asked.

"I haven't seen any of the four of them for the past 12 hours."

"I understand you can hold your liquor." Konan asked Lola.

"Baby, I worked in Atlantic City what do you think?" was Lola's response.

"Alright, let's see just how good you really are. Hey, hey excuse me." Konan got the bartenders attention. Two double shots, Cuervo gold." Konan ordered. Tequila….if only Konan knew Lola could shoot tequila better than anything else…

"Hey, hey, hey LOLA….here…put these in your bra." Sasori said loudly.

"What have you two been drinking…oh my god SASORI this is 3,500 hundred dollars in tokens! You shouldn't be walking around with these…here I'll go cash them in." Lola got up to give her seat up to Sasori when Konan grabbed her arm.

"Not yet, the gold has arrived." Konan said handing Lola the tall shot glass….the contest had begun.

"Alright, now I'm going to cash these in."

"Oh my god….she just slammed both those double shots faster than I could pick this one up."

"Konan, Konan…you're funny." Pein said.

"What HAVE you two been drinking?" Pein laughed.

"Vodka…but not much…it was just….strong." Pein laughed again. This would definitely be an interesting evening. By the time Lola had come back from cashing in the loot Konan had ordered four more tequila double shots. She proudly presented them to Lola.

"Two for you, two for me?" Lola asked.

"You bet." Lola picked up one of the glasses.

"Here's to a new record." Lola said downing the next two just as fast. Now as for Orochinmaru and his pals….

"I can't believe you Orochimaru! You know how many issues I've had with the whole 'bones stick out of you' ridicule! And now you drag us to a comedy club called…..THE FUNNY BONE…it's not funny." Kimimaro was bitching at Orochimaru.

"Hey, come on now Kimimaro. There's going to be a great stand up act tonight. Besides this is where Kabuto and I first started devising the perfect plan to keep me young, strong and well….beautiful." Orochimaru said tossing dark black purple hair around.

"Okay, first you go out in public with a purple bow tied around you….second that's weird…..third…..that's weird…" Kimimaro said.

"You know Sasuke hasn't complained about this at all like you have."

"That's because you have made him into your own personal little BITCH! Just like you wanted to make me your bitch! You remember that, huh? Remember that time when we went to Niagara Falls? You made me carry the backpack loaded down with crap for like……7 miles! God!" Kimimaro wasn't happy.

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOD! MARISOL! MARISOL! AAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!" Deidara was screaming.

"DEIDARA! DEIDARA! DEIDARAAAAAAA! Honey, calm down, calm down!" Marisol tried to alleviate the situation at hand. Deidara had just looked into a mirror and realized that the chlorine in the pool had turned his beautiful blonde hair light green. He was near tears.

"Marisol…..what am I going to do, yeah?" Marisol started pushing the now light green hair away from his face.

"My hair….is dark…..like…..a midnight silken mist that looms in the late night air." Itachi paused. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO UNDER THE WATER YOU MORON! WHY DO YOU THINK DANA AND MARISOL PINNED THEIR HAIR UP!?" Itachi yelled at him.

"It hurts Marosl….it hurts, yeah." Tears were starting to pour now.

"Awww, honey…now listen. I can fix this. I get paid to fix hair. Now I'm going to go over to the bar and get a whole bunch of lemons and we're going to go upstairs and I am going to make you blond again." Marisol reassured him.

"Really, yeah?" Deidara was feeling 2 percent better.

"Yes, now you just hold on." Pretty little Marisol pranced over to the bar tender. "Hi um…..can I get 50 lemons please? Oh and will you cut those in half? Oh and could you put those in a bowl? Thanks!" Marisol instructed as the bar tender honored her bizarre request. This was just the beginning of everyone's wild night in Vegas.


	9. Chapter 9 Sasori Wastes Vaulable Time

"Oh my god! Tobi has wandered off somewhere!" Zetsu started to panic

"Seriously, what the hell could he possibly get into?" Hidan wondered.

"EVERYTHING! YOU NAME IT! WE'RE IN A CASINO FOR GOD'S SAKE! HE COULD DO ANYTHING STUPID!" Zetsu was still panicked.

"Alright, alright just calm down Zetsu me and dumbass Kakuzu will go search the fourth floor, you stay here and see if he shows up, Kisame can go to the first floor and check things out. We'll be back in 20 minutes." Hidan had efficiently organized everything. Finding Tobi would not be easy and no one had noticed that he had wandered off somewhere. Circus Circus was insanely crowded this night too and so fate would have it that of course Tobi would disappear.

"Hidan, I don't want you getting sidetracked and play any slots. They are too expensive and we're after Tobi." Kakuzu warned.

"Fuck you go to hell Kakuzu! If I want to play any slots…..I will!" Hidan yelled.

"You're always doing this crap Hidan! You're always thinking of number one! Just because you're all 'oooooh look at me I follow Jasshin' you think it's all about you!" Kakuzu argued.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut the hell up! Quit making a mockery of my religion and my beliefs! Seriously, you're nothing but a cheap tight ass bitch! A TIGHT ASS BITCH KAKUZU. Oh hi there." Hidan politely said to a woman behind him who had just heard his insane ranting.

"Whatever, let's just look for Tobi." Kakuzu said giving up on Hidan. They began searching the fourth floor for any site of Tobi. They both suspected that he could be found near the make you own snow cone counter, but he was nowhere near it. Another possible hot spot for finding Tobi they predicted would be the cotton candy kiosk. This was Circus Circus after all….and so naturally circus based food products would be everywhere.

"Damn, he's not here. Let's say a prayer to Jasshin." Hidan got ready to pray to Jasshin.

"Hidan! There are at least 500 people around us and you're wanting to pray right in the middle of them! God, can't we just get out of here and tell Zetsu that we can't find Tobi!" Kakuzu argued him.

"Not until we say a fucking prayer to Jasshin damn it! It will help us find Tobi!" Hidan yelled back.

"You are such a moron you know that! A moron, Hidan!" Kakuzu yelled.

"Go to hell! I'm praying to Jasshin!" Hidan hissed. Kakuzu shook his head, and just walked away.

Sasori laughed, it was one of those 'you know I think I've had too much to drink' laughs. "Pein, Pein check this out." Sasori showed Pein how he had evenly fanned out 800 dollars in one hundred dollar bills in Lola's pants. Pein nearly fell out of his chair as he leaned over to see what Sasori had been doing.

"Whoa…..how did you get those bills to fan out so easily!" Pein said completely shocked.

"See, it's all in the elastic." Sasori said tugging on Lola's jeans until he had clearly shown how he had shoved all the bills evenly into Lola's underwear.

"Oh my god THAT'S what you've been doing in my pants for the past ten minutes!?" Lola asked loudly.

"Um….yes." Sasori answered.

"That's how you spend your time in my pants? Lola asked taking still yet another double shot.

"Now that you mention it…I could have used my time more wisely."

"HELL YEAH YOU COULD HAVE!" Lola yelled out loud.

"Hey, hey, hey now Lola, Lola you just wait I'll make it up to you. I will." Sasori told her.

"Lola, you're up on my by one shot…I need to catch up." Konan announced.

"You'll need to hurry up. I'm about ready to down another one." Lola challenged.

"You know what we should do? We should go up to our room later me and Konan have a fridge full of wine coolers." Pein said thinking that this was simply a wonderful idea.

"Oh man, we should so do that! I can see if I can fan out 1000 dollars in Lola's pants!" Sasori said much too excited about trying.

"What you can't do that down here?" Pein asked.

"Probably not, see I'll have to pull more of her pants down but oh wait…I could show those people over there that she got these underwear from Victorias Secret. Would that be a good idea?" Sasori wondered.

"Nah, just wait." Pein said making the stupid decision of shoving another drink towards Sasori.

"Alright, now Deidara you just relax. I'm just going to start squeezing these lemons on your head and then I'm going to comb the juice through. Everything will be okay in just a few hours." Marisol reassured him. "Hmmm, okay here's what we need to do. You take your shirt off sit on the edge of this bathtub and I'll take care of the application process." Marisol sat him down on the edge of the tub while she prepared to squeeze lemons all over his hair. Itachi and Dana had already changed their clothes and had decided to play some kind of trivia game that they could select on the TV. They would challenge Marisol and Deidara after this crisis was averted. Since all four of them were absolutely horrible at trivia it would be an evenly matched challenge. In the bathroom, Marisol started squeezing lemons, seeds and all were entangled in Deidara's hair.

"Marisol! I smell like one of those kitchen counter cleaners, yeah!" Deidara said very upset about it.

"Don't you worry baby, I'm going to wash it with my salon quality shampoo once I'm done with this. Then we'll dry it and you will be just as sexy as you were before we got in the pool!" Marisol said happily. Meanwhile, back in the Circus Circus casino….

"Well, we found Tobi. Turns out he's been feeding an elephant peanuts for the past half hour. God, that elephant is going to be so sick." Kisame said to Hidan. "Come on, let's get out of here. It's late and there's a place where you can feed ostrich's. I really don't want Tobi finding that."

"Yeah, it's been a good evening. I'm ready to get to bed." Zetsu agreed.

"Did you see me feed the elephant!? Did you see me! Oh it was fun! I think I made an elephant friend! Isn't that just amazing Zetsu!" Tobi was so excited.

"It's great Tobi." Zetsu said dryly. It was clear that Zetsu just wanted to get Tobi out of there and back to the MGM Grand. They got back to the hotel soon. It was probably stupid of them to go see what Itachi, Dana, Marisol and Deidara were up to. But they decided to stop in for a moment. There was a knock on their door and Marisol still dressed in her bikini opened it.

"Hi guys! I have lemon juice all over my hands, but come in!" She said happily.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kisame asked.

"Well, see Deidara got in the pool, his hair turned green, so now I'm squeezing all these lemons on his head to get rid of the chlorine color! Oh and Itachi and Dana are playing trivia. We're going to play too in a little bit. Okay, Deidara just ten more lemons to go. Then I'll pick all the seeds out and wash it!" Marisol had the perfect plan in action.

"Hey can me and Kisame play trivia with you." Hidan asked.

"Well you can, but I'm awesome at trivia so I'll probably kick your ass." Itachi said.

"Yeah, sure whatever." Kisame said rolling his eyes. He and Hidan sat down in front of the TV to participate in this trivia game. Kakuzu, Tobi and Zetsu said goodnight to everyone and took off to call it a night. It didn't take long for everyone in Itachi and Deidara's room to hear what sounded like someone very loud get out of the elevator outside. There was soon a loud knocking at the door. Once again, Marisol answered it, this time her hands covered in shampoo.

"Hey Lo….oh my you've like so been drinking." Marisol said.

"Hey…..what are you fuckers doing in here." Lola asked practically falling in the room, but only because Sasori had fallen on her from behind.

"Oh my god! Quick Lola what's the name of this song! It's like Marcoli plays the mamba listen to the radio….what is that song! " Kisame asked panicked because he HAD to get the answer right. Lola thought a moment.

"HEY SASORI! Oh you're right there, I don't need to yell. HEY WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT SONG…IT GOES MARCOLI PLAYS THE MAMBA LISTEN TO THE RADIO? HEY WHAT THE HELL IS THAT. SHIT, AM I YELLING?" Lola asked loudly.

"OH! That's We built this city on Rock and Roll! That's what it is." Sasori told her.

"HEY HEEEEEEEEY KISAME!" Lola yelled. "It's We built this city on Rock and Roll!"

"My god how much has she had to drink?" Hidan asked no one in particular. Pein and Konan stumbled in behind them.

"Hi you guys, we're not staying long…just wanted to say hi….soooo…..hi." Pein said.

"Oh my god. Lola! I just found this little paper tablet. I rearranged the letters of your name." Sasori laughed. "I got…Lalo." He laughed some more. "Oh god….that's fun. Lalo."

"He found a tablet and a pen that fast? God, someone's just got to watch him at all times." Konan said out loud.


	10. Chapter 10 Got Eggs?

It was eight in the morning. Hidan looked completely exhausted. Zetsu didn't look any better at all. Neither of them had barely gotten any sleep the night before. Kisame had managed to get four hours. Unfortunately, stupid Tobi always slept like a log….no matter what was going on and so he was perfectly rested and happy to be at breakfast.

"Oh my god everybody look at Deidara's perfect blond hair!" Marisol said digging her hands in gorgeous now completely blond and shiny blond hair. Marisol was so excited that her lemon treatment had worked.

"Whatever." Kakuzu answered. He had slept in the bathtub all night…..he wasn't happy about it. Naturally, he had blamed Hidan for it. Marisol, Dana, Itachi and Deidara had joined everyone else. But, Pein, Konan, Sasori and Lola were still missing.

"Do you think they have egg substitute on this menu?" Itachi asked no one in particular.

"OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T CHECKED ON PRINCESS, YEAH!" Deidara said freaking out.

"Honey, honey I'm sure Princess is fine, we'll check on her when Sasori gets he. Besides, he's like the only one who constantly has a phone." Marisol said quickly calming him down.

"You know, I like so see this on menus all the time….what is a gratuity? I so don't get that." Dana wondered.

"It's a prefigured amount of tip for the waitresses, Dana. The whole table pays it." Kisame explained.

"Oh….you mean like taxes or something, yeah?" she asked.

"Well…..sort of." Kisame said. Lola and Sasori had now joined everyone else at breakfast. Lola was decked out head to toe in her New England Patriots sweat pants and sweatshirt. She absently sat down, didn't say a word, just waited for Sasori to do the same.

"Lola! You shouldn't wear such ugly things to breakfast, yeah!" Dana insisted. "And oh my god, you look awful were you up all night?" Dana had just crossed the line. She slowly turned her head and shot wicked yes at Dana but she still didn't say a word. Sasori was in another universe and he had gotten back up to find the nearest thermos of coffee. He soon returned. He poured Lola a cup and pushed it in front of her. Lola stared at it for a very long time before she actually picked it up.

"So um….Sasori what did you do last night?" Hidan asked with a certain degree of spite in his voice.

"I won a lot of money." He finally said after thinking about it for quite some time.

"Uh huh, yeah, who else did you do last night?" Hidan persisted. Sasori thought about this for a long time.

"What?" he asked confused.

"Oh for god's sake Sasori why the hell are you and Lola so damn loud?!" Hidan scolded.

"What are you getting at?" Sasori asked taking a drink of coffee. Hidan sighed.

"You are the loudest people I have ever heard having sex in my life! My god why did you two have to be directly above us?!" Hidan insisted. Now Lola was thinking very hard…the sleeping beast had awoken.

"No….no, no….this doesn't add. First, we were sound asleep by 2:30. Secondly, we're not above you. Lastly, if you had 10 shots of rum or 14 shots of tequila would you be able to get it up? That's what I thought, the defense rests its case." Lola said weakly. She started drinking the coffee faster in hopes this would kill the awful hangover.

"Sooo…..if you two aren't in the room above us….who….ooooooh…here comes Pein and Konan." Hidan deduced. "Those bitches…hey we're sorry or blaming you two all morning." Hidan said quietly.

"Good morning everyone!" Konan was perky this morning.

"Hey guys, how's it going." Pein said just as happily. Lola's head hit the table, brunette hair falling everywhere.

"Good god how hard did she drink last night?" Kakuzu asked.

"I don't really know. I didn't think it was that much." Sasori answered pouring another cup of coffee. Unfortunately, the thirteen of them were sitting near the breakfast buffet which was a high traffic area. Now at this point the wrong guy walked by at the wrong time and said the wrong thing…

"The Patriots? God, didn't they suck last season?" the man said very nonchalantly continuing to the breakfast buffet.

"OOH, OOOOOH, OOOOOOOOOH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?" Lola's head came flying off the table. The man laughed.

"Well, yeah I mean my god do you even know anything about their defense?"

"HEY! THE PATRIOTS WERE 14-3 LAST SEASON! 14-3! AND LET ME TELL YOU SOME SHIT ABOUT THEIR DEFNESE! NEW ENGLAND'S GOT ONE FUCKING TIGHT DEFENSE BITCH! HEY, HEY, HEY YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS? YOU WANNA GO!? HEY WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING TEAM ANYWAY?" Lola yelled at the breakfast buffet guy.

"Steelers." The man replied.

"AW, FUCK THEM! FUCK THEM STEELERS!!" Lola hissed.

"Um, aren't you going to stop her from potentially getting us kicked out of here?" Kisame asked. Sasori shrugged his shoulders.

"Now, really what the hell would I be able to do? Besides, it would be like if I told Kakuzu there was a twenty on the floor….he'd flip out and there's be no stopping him." Kisame thought about that for a moment.

"Hey, Kakuzu there's a twenty on the floor." Kisame said.

"WHERE?! WHERE!? WHERE!? WHERE!? WHERE!? WHERE!? WHERE!? WHERE!?"

"See, what did I tell you?" Sasori said confidently as Tobi freaked out.

"I think I see your point." Kisame said. Lola laughed.

"He knew I could own his ass! What a weak defense! Damn a prosecution would walk right over his ass!" Lola said victoriously.

"Okay, Sasori I need your phone now. I need to call and check on Princess, yeah." Deidara said.

"Be careful with this, the iphone doesn't come cheap!" Sasori insisted.

"Oh my god, I so hate your wallpaper, yeah." Deidara rolled his eyes at Sasori's 'blue puddle' wallpaper on his phone. "Yes, hello Gaara? What the hell are you doing, yeah? Whatever, I don't really care I want to know if Princess is okay, yeah? She is? How sure are you that she's happy and well fed and loved? Are you willing to swear that on an exploding bird? Hmmmmm? Very well. Put Princess on the phone Marisol wants to talk to her, yeah." Deidara handed the phone over t Marisol.

"Oh my god is this like an iphone? Wow, these are like way expensive. Hi Princeeeeeesssss! Hi Princess! Are you being good? Are you? I can't wait to hug you , no I can't! I'm going hug you when I get home. Okay, bye Princess. Bye!" Marisol handed the phone back to Deidara.

"Well, Princess seems to be happy. I could hear her purring, yeah. She better be purring when we get home! You want to what? Fine, let me get him, yeah. Here the stupid redhead wants to talk to you." Deidara said handing the phone to Sasori.

"Hey. Oh before you tell me too much you may have to call me back later and remind me of anything you tell me because I am insanely hung over this morning. Yeah. There's an electric blanket in our closet. Hey um…me and Lola will give you 50 dollars to clean that closet out. Alright, I have to go now because I think Itachi's getting ready to completely freak out about something. Alright, bye."

"Dana, what did I ask for." Itachi said calmly.

"You ordered egg whites with a whole wheat bagel, light cream cheese, honey dew with strawberries and soy milk, yeah." Dana said happily.

"Damn right I did! Dana, what do you see on this plate?"

"Ooooooh, those eggs have yolks, yeah." Dana said poking one of the eggs.

"Oh my god! I can NOT eat egg yolks! I mean what the hell are these people at this hotel thinking? It's not like I'm Zetsu or Tobi I'm ITACHI for god's sake! AND ITACHI DOESN'T EAT EGG YOLKS! I'm going to have to re-order these eggs. Oh my god, my life sucks ass sometimes."

"Where the hell are Pein and Konan?" Kakuzu asked. "They've been gone for like 20 minutes."

"They both are up there at the buffet but everyone's fascinated with Konan's blue hair and so they haven't made it back to the table." Zetsu answered.

"Seriously, Lola are you ever going to order anything? That waitress has come back like 3 times." Hidan said.

"Damn have I still not ordered anything. God, I'll be hungover until noon if I don't." Lola said.

"Come on Lola let's both just order the buffet that way we don't have to wait." Sasori has the solution every time.

"OH MY GOD THIS ISN'T MARGARINE IT'S BUTTER!" Itachi started to get a little bent out of shape again. "Dana, this place sucks, we are never coming back!" Itachi insisted.

"Itachi, the food is great you so need to just chill, yeah." Deidara told him.

"Oh and like you would be all calm and shit if you were served strawberry jelly instead of strawberry PRESERVES." Itachi challenged.

"Itachi that is like so different, yeah." Deidara insisted.

"Whatever." And Itachi waited for their waitress to return so he could point out the tragic mistake.


	11. Disturbing Orochimaru

"I just can't get over all the MONEY!" Kakuzu said observing people around him redeeming their tickets for cash they had won in the casinos.

"It's Las Vegas what did you expect, seriously?" Hidan asked.

"I just didn't expect there to be so much money here!" Kakuzu said excitedly.

"Alright, what are we going to attend this morning? There's a fundraising for evil organizations seminar, should we go to that?" Kisame asked.

"No, the leader always comes up with something stupid for us to do. Remember the car wash?" Zetsu asked.

"God, don't make me remember the car wash. That was almost as bad as the bake sale and financial planning fund raiser." Kisame said.

"Yeah, and remember when Itachi tried to talk us into having one of those fake designer purse parties?" Zetsu reminisced.

"God that was so incredibly stupid!" Kisame said. "Hey, what about this interactive lecture on ways to secretly transport yourself."

"Well, the only problem with that is the fact that Deidara ruined anything secret about our travel when he started passing out those 'WE'RE AKATSUKI' flyers at DisneyWorld…he wrote on the flyers how we got there!" Zetsu ranted.

"Speaking of Deidara, where did he and Itachi go? They were supposed to be following us." Kisame wondered.

"Um…Itachi's over there in someone's face. Wait…..that looks like a group from Konoha. What the hell are they doing here, seriously?" Hidan asked.

"You think you can pull long hair off!? Oh my god have you looked at yourself lately? You so don't compare to me!" Itachi was arguing with none other than Hyuuga Neji.

"I'm….sorry?" was Neji's very confused reply, besides Itachi had just gotten all up in his face for absolutely no reason.

"I see how you are! You think that just because you're here at the convention that you can steal the show! Well I have news for you! I am so much hotter than you!" Itachi was still pressing this issue even though Neji seemed uninterested.

"Um…okay?"

"And as for the rest of your friends here…..move…. me and Deidara have got things to do." Itachi hadn't really accomplished anything. Unless you consider the odd stares from Huuga Neji, Tenten, Rock Lee, Maito Gai, Sarutobi Asuma, Yuuhi Kurenai, Yamanaka Ino, Hyuuga Hinata, Naara Shikamaru and Akimichi Chouji.

"Can….anyone explain what just now happened?" Chouji asked.

"I think we were on our way to find a sandwich place….and then….well….Itachi happened." Gai reasoned. It all made sense. But whatever had just happened the Konoha group shrugged it off and continued on their way.

"God, can you believe some people Deidara? I mean they come in here prancing around like they are something else. You know, it's like people just don't even look at me. Deidara are you listening to me?" Itachi asked.

"Itachi! I completely forgot to unplug the flat iron this morning, yeah! Do you think Marisol unplugged it!?"

"Oh my god you never listen to me anymore! Look just because Marisol screams for you when she's…." Deidara interrupted Itachi's rant.

"OH MY GOD LOOK! A SALE AT EXPRESS, YEAH."

"Attention span of a gerbil…" Itachi mumbled to himself as he let Deidara pull him into the Express store.

"Kakazu! Oh my god quit chasing people around just because they have five dollars, seriously! It's so fucking annoying!" Hidan scolded Kakuzu.

"Shut up Hidan! I need to follow the money if I want to get to the money!" Kakuzu insisted.

"Whatever." Hidan said rolling his eyes.

Meanwhile, back in the main lobby of Caesar's Palace Resort……

"Ooooh my god, Pein check this out! Remember last night when I fanned out 800 dollars in Lola's pants…..check it out…..1700 dollars!! Look how perfectly I lined up the corners of those bills! Oh my god, it's like I've just paid for all me legal fees!" Pein looked at what Sasori was so proud of.

"Um, how much money have you two won so far? We've only been here for one day." Pein questioned.

"Only about 2000 dollars." Sasori answered.

"Whoa….whoa…..two thousand dollars. Sasori…..that's insane…how the hell did you….you know what never mind. Why is Konan taking so long? We just wanted directions to that discount outlet."

"Oh my god did you fan out 1200 dollars in my pants?" Lola asked seeing many 100 dollar bills sticking out of her pants. have." Sasori answered.

"Dana, I thought Itachi and Deidara were coming back by 3:00 so we could go to that amazing looking café down there beside the New York New York hotel." Marisol asked.

"I know, it's like so unlike them to be late, yeah." Dana said.

"Maybe they forgot what time to be back here." Marisol suggested.

"No…I'm guessing a sale was involved, yeah." Dana said. She could not have been more correct.

"Do you think it was a dumb idea to let Tobi bother that guy selling hotdogs outside on the street?" Kisame asked.

"Of course that was completely stupid! You know how much Tobi loves to bother hot dog vendors! He's probably out there asking stupid questions and trying to choose toppings for his footer!" Zetsu sighed as he went back outside to find Tobi.

"I had no idea Tobi was that in to hotdogs." Kisame said to Hidan as Zetsu left.

"Seriously, I didn't either. Hey come on, Kakuzu is trying to rob that slot machine we better stop him." Hidan said.

"Ah yes, Sasori. We thought you'd be here….sitting there…..trying to be better than us." Kabuto said to Sasori. Orochimaru, Kabuto, Sasuke and Kimimaru had just invaded the lobby of the MGM Grand Hotel. Konan was still trying to get directions to the discount outlet, apparently everyone was directing her to a different one. "Anyway, Orochimaru dares you…..to strip in this hotel lobby." Kabuto finished as Orochimaru smiled menacingly. Sasori blinked a few times.

"What the hell.

is going on right now?"

"You hear me……prove yourself to us now….we've been after your sorry ass for five years!" Sasori blinked again.

"Soooo, are you saying you're gay?"

"Strip or die Sasori!" Kabuto insisted. He was still confused as hell.

"Why are you even in this hotel right now?"

"We knew you were here….with Pein and we don't like him either." Kabuto insisted.

"Yeah, and besides, it's been a long time Sasori….I always knew you'd turn out looking like your dad." Orochimaru said.

"You don't fucking know my dad! Wait, wait….what the hell is going on with you people why are you in here acting……odd?"

"We're just here to settle the score, Sasori. You've had it too good for too long."

"Riiiiiight….okay Konan is motioning for us so we're going to go." And so Sasori, Lola and Pein quickly fled the scene.

Hey everyone! I'm sorry for the very slow update. Things have been very hectic at both school and with the holidays. However, I should have some more time to update now! I plan on starting a new story very soon!


	12. The Armani Suit is MINE

"Fine, fine. I'll get Tobi a kid's meal but after that can we please go see if any of the leader's articles ever got published in those evil organization magazines?" Zetsu asked.

"Yeah, we'll go check it out after we settle Tobi down." Kisame reassured him.

"I don't understand why he gets so worked up anyway, I mean I know he always looks forward to the free toy and all but does he really need to roll around in the floor like that?" Hidan asked.

"It's a Tobi thing….he does that every time he watches Chicken Little also." Zetsu said.

"You know, I'm just glad that we have one day to ourselves without stupid ass Kakuzu, you know he so pisses me off." Hidan said.

"Yeah, we know." Kisame told him.

"It's really too bad that we have to go back home tomorrow." Zetsu said.

"Yeah, I feel like we've only started to do stuff. But on the other hand I think Itachi Deidara and Sasori have already had too much Vegas." Kisame said.

"Howso?" Hidan wondered.

"Where do I start…..how about how Itachi got drunk last night and tried to get Dana to have sex with him in the bar of this hotel, Deidara didn't know how to cash in one of those tickets that you get out of the slot machines….he thought it was a check that he had to sign. And then there's Sasori….he's won a total of 3700 dollars at blackjack, he and Lola spent 4000 dollars today shopping on the strip, I overheard him say this morning "Lola, I swear that's the best sex we've ever had". He's completely out of control. Now us, well we could stay an extra….Tobi! Tobi! Get back over here! We're trying to get you a kids meal now quit running around!" Zetsu scolded him.

Meanwhile Itachi and Deidara were facing their latest dilemma in Las Vegas. "Take it off! Take it off now! I already had that picked out to wear today!" Itachi yelled beating Deidara.

"Aaaaggggh! Aaggghhh! Aaaaaaggggghh! Stop Itachi! Stop it, yeah! Oh my god!"

"Take….that….off! Oh my god, you're always doing this! You're always trying to wear what I already have mentally picked out for the day!" Itachi ranted.

"How am I ever supposed to know what you mentally have picked out, yeah?" Deidara whined. Itachi had managed to pin Deidara to the floor in his attempts to get back his much sought after Armani suit.

"You know how incredibly amazing I look in this suit! Take it off now or I swear I would take it off for you!" Itachi threatened. Of course Lola just HAD to walk in at the perfect time.

"Dana do you……" she stopped as she watched what was unfolding on the floor before her. She sighed. "I always knew this day would come…..hey, be gentle with him okay? He's not the rough type." Lola said to Itachi and she just walked away and quickly forgot about asking Dana about the happy hour times at the downstairs café.

"GREAT NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! NOW LOLA THINKS I WANT TO BE GAY WITH YOU!" Itachi screamed managing to get the suit jacket off Deidara.

"Oh my god are you saying your wouldn't be gay with me if you had the choice, yeah?" Deidara wondered innocently.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! OH MY GOD SHUT THE HELL UP! YES I'D BE GAY WITH YOU IF I HAD TO….AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!! OH MY GOD DEIDARA TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAGGGGGHHHHH! LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING YOU'RE MAKING ME SOUND SO INCREDIBLY GAY WHEN I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT!" Itachi screamed.

"Oh wow! Dana look! Deidara and I did this once! He got me undressed in like 40 seconds!" Marisol said as she peered through her mountain of shopping bags at this spectacle on the floor. She and Dana had just spent a lot of money.

"Dana, you and I are going to that Gucci store as soon as I GET MY DAMN ARMANI SUIT BACK!" Itachi told Dana.

"Okay, well good luck with that baby because it looks like my baby brother has it on, yeah."

"You mean to tell me the leader has secretly been paying you and me a lot more than anyone else?" Pein asked Sasori in complete shock.

"Oh hell yeah. I mean the leader only wants Deidara for his body, Itachi for his ruthless side, Zetsu because he's a fucking freak of nature and Kisame because he's a good conversation piece. Now you and me….we're the brains. Of course if the leader had known Lola before me…..she would have been the brains and I would have turned into her bitch….which in theory would have been kind of cool."

"See, now you know how I met Konan." Pein said.

"Are you saying Konan came in first?" Sasori asked.

"Yeah, she was just a sweetheart and damn did I fall hard for her." Pein reminisced.

It seems as though this Vegas adventure is going pretty nicely for everyone….except maybe Kakuzu who's too obsessed with the money to focus on anything else. They'll make it back in one piece surely. But will Itachi ever get the suit he wants? Will Tobi get the kids meal? What exactly have Sasori and Lola been up to? You know what they say…what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas….

Hey everyone I got a new computer and so I've been slowed down trying to transfer stuff from one system to another. I'm ending this story to begin a new one: Still Yet Another Akatsuki New Year's Eve! Look for it soon!!!


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